How I Lost My Fingerprints

The platitude “bad choices make great stories” sticks around for a number of reasons. If you're stupid enough to wander the Serengeti during the lions' mating season, then yes, you will have a fantastic tale to tell. . . if you get out alive. Same goes if you choose to get a tattoo while drunk. Living without “regrats” is a wonderful ideal, but to put it into practice is all but impossible. 
 

I try not to dwell on the awful, moronic things I've done, but some blunders stick out farther than a gym class stiffy, and it becomes impossible not to brag about my failings.
 

Abraham Lincoln, Master Duelist

The twenty-first century has brought with it the advent of many breakthroughs, but before your mind goes to the world of technology, I'm gonna remind you of all the social issues that have redefined society more than iPads and Internet memes. 
 

Homosexuality has gained ground in practically every facet; even Boy Scouting has “accepted” it (though that was mostly due to a need for sponsors' money.) Affirmative action pays for dozens of minority groups' education. Discrimination in general has deteriorated, and people are more accepting of minor differences, but all this isn't necessarily a good thing: people are such lily-livers now.

 

William Sidis Is Smarter Than You

Matt Inman (aka The Oatmeal) purports that Nicholas Tesla is the greatest geek who ever lived. Don't get me wrong, Tesla was a brilliant man and applied his talents in many facets that the world will never truly appreciate. This said, I feel it is my duty to point out a man who could out-nerd Tesla while playing nine separate chess games: William Sidis.
 

Lemme Tell You about Butts. . .

A lot has been going through my mind regarding this blog lately. I've become lazier and lazier with each post, barely meeting my self-imposed Sunday night deadline. Skipping a week has been a frequent thought, but I'm smart enough to realize that if I skip one week six times in a row, that's actually six weeks I've skipped.
 

The world isn't gonna end if I skip a post, or if I stop this blog altogether. But I like to think that there are some people who care about this, so I keep trudging on. Yes, I have plenty of ideas, it's just getting them all typed that causes me a reason for discomfort. Typing like 700 words? That's haaaaard. Who ever wants to do that much work? Heck, most of us have probably procrastinated on those 50-word short-answer paragraphs our easier teachers or professors claim is homework. “Name your favorite movie and explain why” becomes a terrifyingly long prompt.

 

A Sampling of How the Mind Can Suck

When you look around and consider that all the people you see are alive, it's kind of a miracle. There are so many diseases to have, so many freak accidents that can occur to anyone, that it should make you wonder how you're even able to sit on the computer and read high-quality blogs like this one. However, even if you continue eluding death, you can easily be subjected to some pretty crappy disorders or phenomena that, for the most part, will make you want to be dead.
 

For your edification, I picked some of the more obscure ones to describe, and hopefully you can see the humor in them. If not, I totally understand, because very rarely does the body mutate or deteriorate in a good way.